My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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