wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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