hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.