So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.