i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"