my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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