Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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