I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
