..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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