Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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