did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
