too bad you live with your parents still
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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