fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Randomize
