dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize