Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
