every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
