Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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