OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.