They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night