I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
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It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it