No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free