batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
not ubering you a puppy