Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Still dying that you shit outside
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.