I want to stick my p in your. b.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment