I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.