oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i think im in europe. pls send help