Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
