Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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