Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
