your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?