it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.