when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.