he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green