mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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