The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
