I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
