I hope mine doesn't look like that
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
