He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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