Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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