After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize