trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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