that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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