I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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