Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
