Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
