Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
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It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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