im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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