So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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