just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.