the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂