I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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