Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm sobbing to NWA
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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