Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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