We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize