So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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