When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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