Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
