how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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