it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
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You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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