and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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