Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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