dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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