He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
